The Man Rules
Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 31

Thread: The Man Rules

  1. #1
    XCR Guru dont_tread_on_me's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    virginia
    Posts
    5,623

    The Man Rules

    At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down



    Finally , the guys' side of the story.
    ( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
    We always hear " the rules"
    From the female side.

    Now here are the rules from the male side.


    These are our rules!
    Please note… these are all numbered "1 "
    ON PURPOSE!

    1. Men are NOT mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That 's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. ..

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT

    need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sports,cars,guns or that hot chic that was just on TV!

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round or Slim IS a shape!

    1. Thank you for reading this.


    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
    But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.



    War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things: the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks nothing worth a war, is worse.... A man who has nothing which he is willing to fight for, nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety, is a miserable creature who has no chance of being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.----John Stuart Mill

  2. #2
    XCR Guru MickeyC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    6,499

    Re: The Man Rules

    Let me guess, you have to pay for sex! ;D
    Semper in excremento sum, solum profunditas mutat. 'Always in the shit, only the depth varies'

    The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.... Margaret Thatcher,

    Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India, history will look upon the act depriving a whole nation of arms as the blackest.
    Mahatma Gandhi

  3. #3
    Banned EricCartmann's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    My mom's basement
    Posts
    8,010

    Re: The Man Rules

    The wise philosopher Charlie Sheen once said "I don't pay a hooker for sex, I pay her to shut up afterward"

  4. Remove Advertisements
    XCRForum.com
    Advertisements
     

  5. #4
    XCR Guru TerraShrewsbury's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Salt Lake City
    Posts
    5,177

    Re: The Man Rules

    my retaliation:

    1. Men are NOT mind readers.
    Neither are we. If you want your dinner on the table and clean socks on your feet, ya better shaddup!

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
    Deciding whether or not the seat should be up or down should be up to the person who scrubs it.

    1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.
    That's all fine and dandy... as long as you quit pissing and moaning whenever we watch a movie on Oxygen. >

    1. Crying is blackmail.
    You get mad and stomp around the house with a frowny face to get what you want. We cry. You get your ammo, I get my shoes, and everyone's happy.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!
    You'll just say no. You see, if we wheel and deal you for a couple hours, by the time we cut to the chase you are psychologically exhausted and will give into our demands. It's survival of the stronger species. >

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
    Wrong. You nod your head and say yes, and we don't smother you with a pillow while you sleep.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That 's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
    Fine. Don't complain about the guys at work, your muscles diminishing, or how hot it is. Same trivial crap.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
    Agreed.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.
    and YOU have back hair.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
    I see what you did there.

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
    It's common knowledge that men have to be asked to do something a minimum of 4 but not exceeding 10 times. YOU need to pull the fluff out of YOUR ears.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. ..
    Don't claim we're ignoring you when we're watching the style channel then. ;D

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT

    need directions and neither do we.
    Quit asking for them ;D

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
    agreed. Silly color names are BS.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.
    It's when you scratch in public places that it gets weird.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
    It's our way of avoiding pegging a pair of scissors in your eyeball.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
    Same to you, sweet cheeks ;D

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
    so a dirty wifebeater and a pair of your jeans? We've all heard it... "You used to dress up and look cute... wahhhhh"

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sports,cars,guns or that hot chic that was just on TV!
    Maybe you should date/marry someone with the same interests, eh?

    1. You have enough clothes.
    You can never have too many clothes. ;D

    1. You have too many shoes.
    Don't see you complaining about how they make my calves look >

    1. I am in shape. Round or Slim IS a shape!
    Who doesn't like a well-rounded man? :inlove:

    1. Thank you for reading this.


    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
    But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
    We just want the bed to ourselves. It's nice, sleeping without hairy limbs thrown over us.
    Resident Forum Slut

  6. #5
    Super Moderator Underground's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Murfreesboro, TN
    Posts
    6,142

    Re: The Man Rules

    That guy, he said I should be oblong and have my knees removed. But I don't trust him, he plays the banjo.

  7. #6
    tk
    tk is offline
    XCR Guru tk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    3,296

    Re: The Man Rules

    Quote Originally Posted by EricCartmann View Post
    The wise philosopher Charlie Sheen once said "I don't pay a hooker for sex, I pay her to shut up afterward"
    If he was any good, they'd pay HIM for it.

    tk
    The Second Amendment is a doomsday provision, one designed for those exceptionally rare circumstances where all other rights have failed -- where the government refuses to stand for re-election and silences those who protest; where courts have lost the courage to oppose, or can find no one to enforce their decrees. However improbable these contingencies may seem today, facing them unprepared is a mistake free people get to make only once." Judge Alex Kozinski, 9th District

  8. #7
    Banned EricCartmann's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    My mom's basement
    Posts
    8,010

    Re: The Man Rules

    Quote Originally Posted by tk View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by EricCartmann View Post
    The wise philosopher Charlie Sheen once said "I don't pay a hooker for sex, I pay her to shut up afterward"
    If he was any good, they'd pay HIM for it.

    tk

    Women don't pay guys for sex, well at least the young good looking ones don't.

  9. #8
    XCR Guru TerraShrewsbury's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Salt Lake City
    Posts
    5,177

    Re: The Man Rules

    I think it was Dane Cook that said "Women get offered $%!#@ EVERY day"

    lol
    Resident Forum Slut

  10. #9
    Rifleman slightly_crazy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    212

    Re: The Man Rules

    What a coincidence...a coworker just sent this to me today....Terra, please don't hold up my order for the new trigger because of this. I just wanted to feel like I was part of the "In" crowd. Also, I have have a few drinks and will probably regret it tomorrow....Like usual. >

    Summer Classes for Women at
    THE
    ADULT LEARNING CENTER

    REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
    by Tuesday, June 23, 2009



    NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
    OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.




    Class 1
    Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
    Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
    Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

    Class 2
    Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
    Round Table Discussion.
    Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

    Class 3
    Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
    Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 4
    Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
    Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

    Class 5
    Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
    Examples on Video.
    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
    at 7:00 PM

    Class 6
    How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
    Help Line Support and Support Groups.
    Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

    Class 7
    Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
    Open Forum.
    Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

    Class 8
    Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
    Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 9
    I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

    Class 10
    How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
    Driving Simulations.
    4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

    Class 11
    Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
    Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

    Class 12
    How to Shop by Yourself.
    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

    Class 13
    How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
    Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
    Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 14
    The Stove/Oven - What It Is and How It Is Used.
    Live Demonstration.
    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.


    Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.



  11. #10
    tk
    tk is offline
    XCR Guru tk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    3,296

    Re: The Man Rules

    Quote Originally Posted by EricCartmann View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by tk View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by EricCartmann View Post
    The wise philosopher Charlie Sheen once said "I don't pay a hooker for sex, I pay her to shut up afterward"
    If he was any good, they'd pay HIM for it.

    tk

    Women don't pay guys for sex, well at least the young good looking ones don't.
    Perfectly true. But I think you'd be surprised at how many would be willing to....

    Let you in on a little secret: Based on incriminating statements made by both buddies and numerous women I've known over the years, most men are lousy in the sack. The primary reason that men tag women as being uninterested in sex, is because so many men don't seem to understand that the point of sex is to please your partner, not yourself.

    I've known numerous attractive women over the years who have said they would be willing to pay for a great evening of heavy breathing: They wouldn't have to pretend to be interested in the playoffs, wouldn't have to sleep in the wet spot afterwards and they might actually enjoy themselves <g>

    tk



    The Second Amendment is a doomsday provision, one designed for those exceptionally rare circumstances where all other rights have failed -- where the government refuses to stand for re-election and silences those who protest; where courts have lost the courage to oppose, or can find no one to enforce their decrees. However improbable these contingencies may seem today, facing them unprepared is a mistake free people get to make only once." Judge Alex Kozinski, 9th District

Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast

Sponsors

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Similar Threads

  1. Ben Franklin: Rules for Radicals.....
    By Sean K. in forum Politicking
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 05-24-2011, 11:06 AM
  2. Gun Forum Rules to new members
    By EricCartmann in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 10-12-2010, 09:55 PM
  3. 12 Rules of Survival.
    By Sean K. in forum Politicking
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-16-2010, 03:44 PM
  4. Question on Barrel rules
    By MrSmitty in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 03-16-2009, 10:42 AM
  5. Forum Rules
    By admin in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 02-13-2009, 03:45 PM