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The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. Go ahead."

Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"
 

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That joke is proof that wisdom comes with age!

Col Maddog :2rifle:
 

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Do I have to be the one to point out that gambling winnings are still taxable?
The question was "how does Grandpa support his lavish lifestyle without a regular job?" Not did he pay the taxes?

Col Maddog :2rifle:
 

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Do I have to be the one to point out that gambling winnings are still taxable?
The question was "how does Grandpa support his lavish lifestyle without a regular job?" Not did he pay the taxes?

Col Maddog :2rifle:
Why would the IRS care if he had a regular full time job or not? All they care about is if he is paying taxes on his income, however he acquires it.

Don't get me wrong, I thought it was a funny joke still. :p
 

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PSUdaemon,

I would think by asking the question it would lead to more info about more income from other sources. I think we both agree that the IRS always wants their cut no matter where it comes from.

Wait, wait, I was wrong! If you are a prominent liberal then the law is just a formality. Obama has brought change alright. I stand corrected............

Col Maddog :2rifle:
 

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Quention Tarantino tells a version of that joke at the bar in Desperado, right before the guy next to him takes one in the head.

it was funny there, too

tk
 
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